Rude vs. Polite?

Have you ever noticed that when it's your own mess, you don't mind it so much? But when the mess belongs to someone else, it rubs us the wrong way? Whether it's a dirty glass on counter top or driving etiquette; it's seems worse when someone else is doing the do. What if our initial thought that angers us isn't right?

I was driving down to San Diego and I thought about how people get so upset on the road (and no, I wasn't driving madly). It was spurred by a recent conversation I had on the matter of personal pet peeves and an Oprah show I recently watch entitled "how rude are you". Let me ask you, do you get upset when you signal to change lanes, and the car next to you automatically speeds up? If not, that's cool, but if so, why do you get upset? Do you get upset because you think that he/she speeds up for pure selfish reasons and doesn't want you to get in front of him/her? Could be...

That answer may be true; yes they could be selfish but could it also be that the person is trying to be polite by giving you space behind him/her? It's similar to when someone opens the door for you or when you are crossing the street and a car is waiting for you to cross. You know that someone is waiting for you so you walk a little faster because someone is holding the door open, waiting for you to cross the street or speed up because someone wants to change lanes.

My point is, maybe that person isn't as rude as we think they are. I can't tell you the answer because I don't know what the other person is thinking. But I can tell you that I won't let it ruin my driving experience...anymore anyways.

What are your thoughts?

Just a thought,
Millie

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You get what you put out!

Ever since I've given myself permission to be more open without attachments/judgments, good things happen.

Last week, my mother and I went to Glen Ivy, a day spa out in Corona. I was drinking wine the night before so I wasn't feeling great that morning...I almost cancelled. We purposely arrived at 2pm to take advantage of the 1/2 price admission, a difference of $19 (a lot of money). Looking forward to a relaxing afternoon, they gave us the bad news that we arrived too early, we'll have to pay full price. During the summer season, the 1/2 price entrance is at 3pm not 2pm. Why didn't anyone tell us? We had no clue! We pleaded to let us in because an hour wait is a long time, especially when they don't have a waiting area. The answer was a hard No! You could imagine the kind of day I was having and the 90 degrees weather was not helping either. I was very disappointed and could have literally stormed out of there but that would mean about an hour drive home and I'd miss out on the spa...ummm, I'll wait patiently and make the most of it.

I decided to put it behind me and just enjoy the rest of the afternoon with mommy and I'm glad I did. The spa was exactly what I needed. The best part was when we met an interesting couple who lives out in Topanga Canyon. My mom decided to invite them to dinner and they willingly accepted...to my surprise. They had the most interesting stories about their work, England, plane riding, mountain biking..and so on. The wife is a professional mountain biker and the husband works in the entertainment industry - special effects. How interesting is that!?

After our dinner with them, it inspired me to plan a day hiking in Topanga Canyon. Inspiration can come in many differnt forms and I'm glad I didn't let a bad experience steal that away from me. All I had to do was remain open and say yes.

Until next time,
Millie

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Old International Grunter

There is this old, harmless, international man who likes to smoke outside his balcony who lives across my courtyard. He often sits there quietly smoking or sometimes I pass him while he is getting in/out of his car.

A couple of months ago, I decided to say hello (after-all he is my neighbor) and he just ignored me. Oh well, maybe he didn’t see …no big deal. So then the next time I saw him, I waived hello again. His reply…nothing! What is his problem? How difficult is it to acknowledge someone or just say hello back?

Time after time, every time I saw him, I made it a point to waive or say hello. Time after time, he just ignores me. I’d hate to admit it, but it became an obsession. I was determined to keep saying hello until I get a response. After maybe a month of attempts, the grumpy old international man finally acknowledges my hello and responded with a grunt. Lol! Yes a grunt! A grunt was better that nothing and at that point, I was ok with that. I figured people like their space.

Imagine how shocked I was when I saw him at my gym. He was dressed in those old red cotton sweatpants and matching sweater that you would find in a swap meet. He had a towel wrapped around his neck and wearing a pair of sun glasses inside the gym (classic). It was adorable because you know he simply did not care about his appearance. The best part – while I was running on the treadmill, he purposely came about 10 feet of me, stood there and stared at me. I looked at him and he waived hello! Shocked and a little bit confused, I waived back! How wonderful! Out of all the places and with all the people, my grumpy old international grunter FINALLY waived hello! I couldn’t help but think - victory is mine! Lol! And get this; he did the same thing before he left the gym! How cute!

I felt so good, he definitely made my day! I guess persistence do pay off!

Amazed,
Millie

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First Impressions are Overrated

I ran out of my homemade instant coffee (yes instant coffee) one morning and decided to go to Starbucks to get my emergency quick fix. Just a medium coffee in a large cup please; I like my coffee with a lot of milk and no sugar. As I stood in line I noticed a man across the way waiting but it was just a quick glance, no big deal. However, have you ever felt that feeling that someone was watching you? That's exactly what I was feeling.

I got my coffee and walked to the milk stand where he was standing. He then nervously said hello, gave me a sincere - I think your beautiful - compliment followed by a nervous apology. All this was in one sentence with a bit of nervous chuckle in between the words. Did I say he was nervous!? I found it very endearing but the problem is I wasn't that attracted to him. He looked like he just woke up and didn't even bother to look at himself in the mirror. But who am I kidding, I’m 32 years old, single mother of 2 and compliments don’t come by very often anymore. I appreciate it when it does.

Anyway, I think it is extremely difficult to do what he did as nervous as he was. Good for him for having the courage. He had a lot more courage than I ever had. I didn't want to be that bit@## (excuse my French) that discourages his future attempts. What to do, what to do?

Well, I gave him my number because at the moment, I didn't know how to respond. A couple of days later, I decided to return his call to let him down easy. To let him know sincerely that I thought he was very sweet and wish him luck. Come to know it, I had a very pleasant conversation with him. He turned out to be smart, endearing and refreshing. We talked about his start-up business that he's been working on for the past 2 years. I've been working on mine for the past 5 months so I can totally relate. I guess you really can't judge a person by the first impression. You never know, I might just have found a really good friend. Or what he said "you might have found a person you can speak business with." Lol! Ok.

With a smile on my face,
Millie

Dirty Towel

I am what you call the yo-yo gym goer. On the times when I am motivated, you'll find me at the gym pretty regularly immediately followed by the long silent no-go, no-show.

Well today I decided to make an appearance. Though I kept it pretty easy (honestly, I was just feeling tired and lazy), I still manage to work out a good sweat. On my way out, a towel landed about 4 steps ahead of me. The towel belonged to a woman jogging diligently on the tread mill. Which brought on the dreadful choice; do I ignore the dirty towel, walk by and pretend I don't even see it or do I do a good deed?

Ok, before this exercise, that's what I probably would have done. I mean common, a dirty towel! Really! It's dirty and sweaty and personal. Ay!!! But I decided to put myself in her shoes. When I'm in my running zone, I don't like to stop because it takes away from my momentum. And I would like it if someone picked it up for me.

I got over myself, picked it up and gave it to her. To see the grateful smile on her face was definitely worth it. When in doubt, focus out! Besides, I wasn't any cleaner than the dirty towel anyway; I myself just got done with my workout. I'm not one to judge the dirty towel.


Good night!

Millie

The Good the Bad and the Ugly!

Although I did my good deed for the day, I would rather mention the good deed that was done for me today by my sister. I will call her Erica to protect her Identity. To me this is worth mentioning more than anything that happened to me today. Let me explain...

This blog site has a tool for you to utilize the social networking sites to expand your visibility. Which is great because I am using this exercise to be more open. However, as I've mentioned before, I like my privacy. It took me a while to convince myself to use my real picture. As I esperimented with the links to post my site up, I cliked on Facebook. As I clicked away, it automatically posted my blog on Facebook. When it did that, I freaked out and jumped out of my bed! I thought, Oh no, now everyone will know! I automatically wanted to take it back down. I am too exposed to my friends and family, I thought. It's okay for me to discusss this with strangers with a unknown name but not my close people. I immediately called my sister because I need a calming voice. In the back of my mind, I knew that I had to learn how to be ok with this. What came out for me is that I don't like being in a position where I can be judge by the people I care for most. You see. I was the black sheep of the family, the one that like to live on the edge and pushed my limits. My goodness, I remember all of the adults talking about how difficult I was. Well, I am now 32 years old still working on proving to them that I am a good person with good intentions. I realize now I really need to stop that and I am working on it. I am not bad but inherantly good! I do have a moral compass, I just have to get rid of those self defeating beliefs that stuck with me growing up!

The reason why I want to mention this as a good deed is because when I freaked out when my blog posted on Facebook for all my family and friends to see, I called my sister instead. Because I know she understands me. She saw me through the bad and the good. She was shocked to hear of my anxiety and she reassured me. I love her for being there for me. Sometimes we take people who are close to us for granted. At the end of the day, they are who matter most. Thank you sis!

And as far as the facebook world is concerned, as freaked out as I was, I'm going to break through! I hope you'll love me even through the good, the bad and the ugly!

With much love,
Millie

Hello World!

My author name for this exercise is Millie River. I have decided to challenge myself to doing 5 good deeds a week (random act of kindness). I have read/heard that if you do one good deed a day, it could literally transform your life. I believe that and I am willing to put it to the test and come back here to report my own personal experiences, people's reactions and my personal transformation through self awareness/discoveries.

This might sound like a simple thing to do but as I thought about it, for me, it will NOT be easy. I like living my life in my own small world where it's comfortable. Right now my life is about me, my kids and my work. I mind my own business and people give me the same respect. Plus it's not easy to find an opportunity to do a good deed everyday. I'll have to look outside of my world and come out of my sheltered box. Yikes! It means meeting new people, talking to strangers, and occasionally act crazy because "kindness" is not common occurance anymore.. unfortunately...or is it?

After I came up with this idea, I spent the past 2 days thinking about the amount of work and anxiety this will take from me. As I went about my day, running errands, I realized how desensitized and oblivious I am to what is going on around me. All of the sudden I was made aware of how my daily thoughts are automatic and I spend a lot time justifying my actions, and focusing on things that doesn't really matter. A couple of times I realized that I'm not even as nice as I thought I was. Interesting what you find out when you stop and notice your thoughts and actions. If just the thought of writing this blog can impact me this way, imagine if I went through this whole exercise in a long period of time!? Well, I'm going for it, hence this first post.

I have to do this because it is what I would rather NOT do. This is outside of my comfort zone. I'm also hoping that blogging my thoughts & emotions will help me be more open in my own personal life. I love my privacy and everything about this exercise is a huge stretch for my personality and will be a learning experience for me. Ultimately, I'm hoping to grow from this experience.

Couple of rules for me:

I have to do 5 good deeds a week Sun. - Sat.
I have to write about my experience and share it with you.

So there it is. I hope you stick around and join me on my journey of self discovery and transformation. We also get to help others along the way. Notice how I am not giving myself a timeline. Well that’s because I’m not sure how long I can keep up with this.

Sleepy and excited,
Millie